Season Awards MVP: Ron Most Improved Player (must have one full season): Connie Asst GM Award: Ruthie Most Sensitive Player: Keith Rookie of the season: Chad and Marlee Most Not Named Raoul: Marlee and Ted
Checklist - complete at least three
Avg 15+ runs scored/game
Avg less than 10 runs allowed/game
Beat Band-Aids - win trophy
Break bread / drink pitchers
Solve question of Raoul
Two hrs of team charity work
First place regular seaon
Win tournament
Undefeated season
Season 9: Insurrection - The Man With The Golden Gun, Jason, Goes to Hell
Three movie franchises had 9th films, which are referred to above. How many can you identify? Hint, none of the answers are in adult film catalogs even though the titles above may cause you to think otherwise.
Insurrection indeed. First, the man with the golden glove at SS will play part-time as he learns the on and off switches of his newborn. Chad will fill in for Andrew until his return. TMZ reports Chad is romantically linked to someone on the team.
Replacing Amber as Defence Against the Dark Arts player is Marlee. As a sub, Marlee assembled a career batting average somewhere between .250 and .850. Harry Potter will finish with just eight movies. Laaaa-osers.
We will remain at Dawson (Tempe Sports Complex) but we will have 10 teams in our division as Kiwanis fields are renovated this spring. We will only play seven teams and then the playoffs. With ten teams, first games will start at 5pm.
We hope Jason doesn't go to hell. He's a two-time MVP (jinxing pressure here). But Plan B has gone to hell. One of our oldest rivals got the last laugh knocking us out of the playoffs by one run. Each team won twice in recorded history. See ya on the other side, Plan B.
Movies with the most sequels:
Sherlock Holmes - 98
Godzilla - 34
Blondie - 28
James Bond - 21
Friday the 13th - 10, Star Trek - 10
Police Academy - 7, Nightmare On Elm Street - 7, The Howling-7
Halloween - 8 , Pink Panther - 8
Star Wars - 6, The Thin Man - 6
Planet Of The Apes - 5 , Rocky - 5 (the fifth movie never happened), Dirty Harry - 5, Childs Play (Chucky) - 5, Attack of the Killer Tomatoes - 5, Batman-5
Superman - 4 , Lethal Weapon -4, Death Wish-4, Highlander-4
Upcoming gamesOzone @ Band-Aids
Nothing covers up a hole in the ozone like an oversized band-aid.
Armadillos @ Better L8T Nvr
The Texas State Armadillos upset the Texas Colts in Necessary Roughness, a movie with zero sequels.
No Tan Lines @ GT Bombers
GT Bombers know battlelines, not tan lines.
1st Rd Draft @ Warriors
Teams are each have won one and lost one when facing each other, one game decided by four and last year by one.
Tibetan Mountain Monk says:
"Competition is the spice of sports; but if you make spice the whole meal you'll be sick."
"The tea leaves say put money on Band-Aids, Pitchers, L8, Bombers and Warriors to both cover and win." Last week: 0-0 Total: 43-24
On Deck: Finish Strong
0-0 6 pm - Away
History: Season 7 - W 11-7AWOL: ? ( ),
Finland's best Olympic results have historically come in the Nordic events: cross-country skiing, ski jumping, and Nordic combined. That should hold true in Vancouver.
Their hockey team took silver in Torino and returning is Teemu Selanne, the Finnish Flash.
Finland is favored to win team ski jumping gold in one of the most dangerous events in each Winter Olympic.
Finland is sixth on the all-time medals list with 151 (41 gold, 58 silver, 52 bronze). It has participated in every Winter Games. Finland hosted the Games of the XV Olympiad in Helsinki in 1952 but has never hosted the Winter Games.
Scouting: Girl at 2B may be their best defensive player though SS and 3B are solid. None of the guys tested the backpeddling of our OF.
Pregame: Arrive 25 minutes before gametime for warming up arms and bats.
Postgame: Our first four games are 6pm and earlier. Pitchers must be emptied at some point this season. Procrastination is the wrong road to success.
Vowing...
On April 18th Keith and Anna tie the knot! To provide balance in the second half of the year, Courtney and Jamie will take the plunge on Oct 15.
Injury Report
Cleo has licked a yeast infection in her coat. Otherwise everyone seems healthy. Jessica is a healthy mom and rumors are overheard of her returning as a sub some point this season.
EP Fun Facts
Not counting Andrew and Jessica, who are subs on medical leave, Empty Pitchers has just four original players: Jami, Jamie, Keith and Ruthie.
For the sixth time in seven season, the Band-Aids and Empty Pitchers will face each other.
For the third straight season, EP will play 1st Round Draft and Warriors.
Unearthed were standings for Spring 2009 NE field. Armadillos finished 2-5, GT Bombers finished 4-3 and Better L8 Than Never finished 6-1.
Ted and Marlee will not be the only siblings to take the same field for EP. Ryan and Sarah Longhart subbed in season four and way back in the dawn of EP times, the Kupperman sisters roamed the diamond.
Known Travel
Mar 7 Connie, Keith?
Mar 14 Jami?
Mar 28 Jami, Sarah
Apr 18 Keith (Andrew)
Apr 25 Keith (Andrew)
Week 1a
Recap: Moisture is the essence of wetness
Games were rained out and will be made up Apr 18th. Speaking of wet, here's a great recipe for Ted and the rest of the team:
MISO SOUP
Serves: 1
Prep Time: 5 minutes.
Notes: Quick and easy miso soup to your healthy way of eating and give your body an extra boost of health-promoting minerals.
Feel free to add other seaweed such as wakame for extra nutrition. All the ingredients can be found in most supermarkets.
There are several types of miso. They can be made from soybeans, rice, buckwheat, or barley. They also come light to dark in color. The lighter varieties are less salty and more mellow in flavor, while the darker ones are saltier and have a more intense flavor. Choose the miso that best suits your personal taste for this soup, as you can use any of them.
Ingredients
Upcoming gamesFinish Strong @ No Tan Lines
It's hard to be focused when a lack of tan lines is staring you in the eyes. Will Finish Strong finish prematurely?
GT Bombers @ Armadillos
As the Bombers bomb, the Armadillos curl up in a protective ball.
Better L8 Than Never @ Ozone
The latest estimates are that as long as production and release of CFC's is regulated properly, global ozone levels should recover by 2050. Better late than never, right?
Band-Aids @ 1st Round Draft
Band-Aids won the first matchup by 26. The second matchup was decided by just two.
Tibetan Mountain Monk says:
"To win without risk is to triumph without glory."
"My ox ate oats from the branded buckets of the Pitchers, Tan Lines, Bombers, Better L8 and Bombers. The ox refused to touch the other five buckets." Last week: 0-0 Total: 43-24
On Deck: Warriors
0-0 5 pm - Home
History: Season 7 - L 12-14 Season 8 - L 8-9AWOL: ? ( ),
I suppose you could say that everyone has an El Guapo. For some, shyness may be an El Guapo.
For others, lack of education may be an El Guapo.
But for us, El Guapo is a team that ruined our perfect season back in season seven. The following season, they pruned our hedges.
Perhaps this Sunday will be our lucky day.
Scouting: Warrior's pitcher can work all parts of the plate with mesmerizing spin; the left side of the infield is stronger than the right side; their females all have solid power and #2 likes to work all parts of the field - particularly right field.
Pregame: Arrive 25 minutes before gametime for warming up arms and bats.
Postgame: This is our only 5pm game... let's do something smart with it.
Vowing...
On April 18th Keith and Anna tie the knot! To provide balance in the second half of the year, Courtney and Jamie will take the plunge on Oct 15.
Injury Report
Cleo has licked a yeast infection in her coat. Otherwise everyone seems healthy. Jessica is a healthy mom and rumors are overheard of her returning as a sub some point this season.
EP Fun Facts
Not counting Andrew and Jessica, who are subs on medical leave, Empty Pitchers has just four original players: Jami, Jamie, Keith and Ruthie.
For the sixth time in seven season, the Band-Aids and Empty Pitchers will face each other.
For the third straight season, EP will play 1st Round Draft and Warriors.
Unearthed were standings for Spring 2009 NE field. Armadillos finished 2-5, GT Bombers finished 4-3 and Better L8 Than Never finished 6-1.
Ted and Marlee will not be the only siblings to take the same field for EP. Ryan and Sarah Longhart subbed in season four and way back in the dawn of EP times, the Kupperman sisters roamed the diamond.
Known Travel
Mar 7 Connie, Keith?
Mar 14 Jami?
Mar 28 Jami, Sarah
Apr 18 Keith (Andrew)
Apr 25 Keith (Andrew)
Week 1b
Recap: The wave hits Phoenix
The start of the season was rained out for a second straight week. Let's amp up the water (since amp's and water mix).
Start off by getting the music going - click play on this first video then scroll down and click play on the first of two big water videos.
Turn the volume down on the video above:
Upcoming gamesArmadillos @ 1st Round Draft
When an armadillo drinks too much, does it just curl up on the floor and pass out?
GT Bombers @ Finish Strong
GT vs FS. F preceeds G, S preceeds T. Looks like GT finishes off both alphabet runs.
Warriors @ Ozone
How does a warrior battle three oxygen molecules bonded together? By whipping out HCFC's: hitting, catching, fielding and crushing beers post-game.
No Tan Lines @ Band-Aids
Have you ever worn a band-aid big enough to cover up a tan line?.
Tibetan Mountain Monk says:
"If practice makes perfect, and no one is perfect, why practice?"
"I predict another rain-out. What? I have to pick teams? Since it's going to rain, I'll pick the home teams teams in the odd hour starting times and then away teams in the even hour starting times."
Last week: 0-0 Total: 43-24
On Deck: Better L8 Than Never
0-0 6 pm - Away
History: First meeting
AWOL: ? ( ),
This team finished atop the standings last season in Tempe's top league. Are we David and them Goliath?
1 Samuel, chapter 17:[2]'s account of the duel:
Saul and the Israelites are facing the Philistines at the Valley of Elah. Twice a day for forty days, Goliath, the champion of the Philistines, comes out between the lines and challenges the Israelites to send out a champion of their own to decide the outcome in single combat. However, Saul and all the other Israelites are afraid of him. By chance, David is present, having brought food for his elder brothers. Told that Saul has promised to reward any man who defeats Goliath, David accepts the challenge. Saul reluctantly agrees and offers his armor, which David declines, taking only his sling and five stones chosen in a brook.
David and Goliath confront each other, Goliath with his armor and shield, David with his staff and sling, “and the Philistine cursed David by his gods.” David replies: “This day the LORD will deliver you into my hand, and I will strike you down, and cut off your head; and I will give the dead bodies of the host of the Philistines this day to the birds of the air and to the wild beasts of the earth; that all the earth may know that there is a God in Israel, and that all this assembly may know that God saves not with sword and spear; for the battle is God’s, and he will give you into our hand.”
David strikes Goliath in the head with a stone from his sling, and the Philistine falls on his face to the ground. David takes Goliath’s sword and cuts off Goliath’s head. The shocked Philistines flee and are pursued by the Israelites “as far as Gath and the gates of Ekron.” David puts the armor of Goliath in his own tent, and takes the head to Jerusalem. Saul sends Abner to bring David to him. The king asks whose son he is. David answers, ‘I am the son of your servant Jesse the Bethlehemite.’ ”
Scouting: We know nothing except they may put ten players on the field at any given time.
Pregame: Arrive 25 minutes before gametime for warming up arms and bats. Practice your head-chopping motions.
Postgame: Better to empty pitchers L8 than never.
Injury Report
Lethargy from a lack of softball for all except Keith, who is not sensitive to lethargy.
Non-EP Fun Facts
* The longest English 1 syllable word is Screeched
* Peanuts are an ingredient in Dynamite
* Girls blink nearly twice as much as boys in a lifetime
* A sneeze zooms out of your mouth at up to 600 m.p.h.
* Penguins can jump as high as 6 feet in the air.
* The average bank teller loses about $250 every year.
* Bubble gum contains rubber.
* The sound of E.T. walking was made by someone squishing her hands in Jello.
* Most lipstick contains fish scales.
* Most cows give more milk when they listen to music.
Known Travel
Mar 7 Connie, Keith?
Mar 14 Jason, Jami?
Mar 28 Jami, Sarah
Apr 18 Keith (Andrew)
Apr 25 Keith (Andrew)
Week 1c
Recap: 3rd straight soaked Sunday
El Nino has caused the delay of the season by three weeks. Here's Gordon Liddy's refresher course for you on El Nino.
Procrastinating? One of the worst movies ever made has a trailer featuring pterodactyl-like creatures. The trailer has more panning in the first minute than an IHOP.
Upcoming games1st Round Draft @ Ozone
Beer taps do not require CFC's to flow from a tap. Beverage companies such as Coca-Cola and Old Milwaukee use ozone to clean out their beverage cans out so their products are not contaminated.
Better L8 Than Never @ No Tan Lines
No tan lines may not look so great L8r in life.
The Band-Aids @ Armadillos
After you get done BBQ'ing the armadillo you caught, you can make armadillo band-aids to place on your cuts.
Finish Strong @ Warriors
Few seasons back Warriors dropped a dirty diaper on Strong 20-9. That's just disturbing imagery.
Tibetan Mountain Monk says:
Last week I predicted rain above all other outcomes. I'll take my little victory."
"Games will be played and it will be Draft>Ozone, EP>GT, Never>No, Aids>Arms and Warriors>Strong. "
Last week: 1-0 Total: 44-24
GT Bombers are one of the few teams to make the Pitchers say uncle.
Expect a busy night outfielders. Last time we played Jami 'Vespa' Kupperman handled RF for a recently departed Anne-Marie. Ted 'Cujo' Organ was making only his second start.
Keith "Casino" Zollman had this unsensitive spin after the game: "Not too much to say about it, except that when the EPs get mercy-ruled, we're not playing a D-league team!"
That's right... G... T. And EP now faces GT in the city's top division. The best-of-the-best.
Andrew 'Shogun' Gattuso makes his first subbing return to the team. Technically, he hasn't missed a game because of the rain-outs.
Marlee 'Hobo' Organ and Chad 'Zip Zag' Leftwich should finally make their EP debuts.
Scouting: No holes defensively. Their girl at 1B gunned Jamie down at 3B.
Pregame: Arrive 25 minutes before gametime for warming up arms and bats. Practice your head-chopping motions.
Postgame: TBD
Injury Report
Lethargy from a lack of softball for all except Keith, who is not sensitive to lethargy.
Non-EP Fun Facts
* The first beer can was used by Krueger Beer, and introduced in 1935.
* The first bra was created by a French designer in 1902.
* The first city in history to boast a million inhabitants was London, in 1811.
* The first continental phone call occurred in 1915 between New York and San Francisco.
* The first electronic computer was built in 1889 for the U.S. Census Bureau.
* The first heart transplant took place on December 3, 1967.
* The first issue of Rolling Stone magazine featured a photo of John Lennon on the cover.
* The first pay phone was installed in a Hartford, Connecticut bank in 1889.
* The first scheduled TV broadcast, in 1931, featured George Gershwin and Kate Smith.
* The first shopping center was built in Baltimore, MD, in 1896.
* The first sound recording ever made was "Mary Had a Little Lamb," in 1877 by Tom Edison.
* The first sperm banks opened in 1964 in Tokyo and Iowa City.
* The first stereo record went on the market in 1958.
* The first stewardesses were on United Airlines in 1930, and had to be registered nurses.
Known Travel
Mar 7 Connie, Keith?
Mar 14 Jason, Jami?
Mar 28 Jami, Sarah
Apr 18 Keith (Andrew)
Apr 25 Keith (Andrew)
Week 1
Recap: Brushed Off By Bombers
March 15th,'10 - 6 innings: GT Bombers 13, Empty Pitchers 9 GT: 0 1 8 0 2 2 = 13 EP: 2 1 0 1 2 3 = 9
AWOL: Jason ( Andrew ), Keith ( None )
Good defense and good hitting along with solid pitching from Ron weren't enough to get a win in EP's first game on Dawson's northeast/prime-time field.
The Pitchers officially started their run with Tempe's so-called "best of the best (on Sundays)" after three consecutive rainouts to start the season.
With Jason travelling and Keith nursing stitches from a cooking incident, Andrew took the bats and gloves of two men and forged one mighty weapon for offense and one mighty weapon for defense.
Well, the GT Bombers found a way to destroy Andrew's ultimate weapon on offense before it could be unleashed. To his credit, Andrew refused to quit swinging the broken weapon.
Defensively he grabbed everything within reach, though he forgot to turn off his defensive weapon's awesome power when throwing to Jami early in the game (see "shiney & shaded shin" in injury report). He almost had his second barehanded over his head.
EP was never outscored in any inning but the third, in which GT dropped eight runs via good hitting and the only defensive miscues of the game by EP. Overall, a good performance against a very good team for our first outing in over four months.
EP debuts: Chad goes 2-3 in his first game. Andrew must have shared some defensive technology with Marlee. She stood in brave at 2B and handled a couple of hot ones.
Fungos: Jami was 2-2 with one leg; EP scientists unveiled the RonCon 1.000 at the plate and it delivered a 6-6, 2R, 2RBI performance; three fans in the stands: Keith, Anna and future EP-sub, Carmen;
Bench coach says: 1) Baserunners and basecoaches must play it cool when there are no outs. Feed the confidence of your teammate walking from the on-deck circle. 2) OF's always throw to cutoff unless the cutoff tells you different. Cutoffs need to hold off on throws home if there are baserunners able to advance to non-force bases.
Last week's results
Ozone 21, 1st Rd Drft 17
GT Bombers 13, EP 9
Better L8 19, No Tan Lines 18
Armadillos 15, Band Aids 2
Warriors 16, Finish Strong 5
Elsewhere:
Udder Team 23, AZ Devils 19
Our Couch Pulls Out 21, LCM Swingers 1
Upcoming gamesWarriors @ Armadillos
Both teams had impressive victory margins last week, by 11 and 13 runs respectively.
Band-Aids @ Finish Strong
Both teams had unimpressive losses last week, by 13 and 11 runs respectively.
No Tan Lines @ Ozone
Both teams had impressive run totals (18 and 21 respectively) and unimpressive defensive totals (19 and 17 respectively last week).
GT Bombers @ Better L8 Than Never
Two of the league's titans meet in the second week of the season. We saw a BL8 hitter belt one over the fence. We have not seen that from Bombers.
Tibetan Mountain Monk says:
Rarer than a butterfly in the mountain elevations in which I reside, I had a losing percentage last week. Well, I caught a butterfly this past weekend. And I ate him!"
"Warriors, Band-Aids, Pitchers, Tan Lines and Better L8 are betters to win. "
Last week: 2-3 Total: 46-27
On Deck: 1st Round Draft
0-1 7 pm - Away
History: 2-1 Season 7 - W 28-20 Season 7 - L 18-19 Season 8 - W 10-6AWOL: None
Questions to be answered this game:
What is the meaning of Raoul and will Raoul be in the stands as a fan?
Can the Pitchers match half of their offensive performance in the teams' first meeting, in which EP scored five or more runs in each inning but one?
Can Ruthie distract the 1RD pitcher enough again to draw three walks as she did in the first matchup?
Will Jason strike out again to the 1RD pitcher?
Will 1RD play all ladies in the infield again (except P)?
Will 1RD use two different pitchers again?
Will EP use two different pitchers?
Can the Pitchers score 15+ runs this game?
Can the Pitchers hold 1RD under 10 runs this game?
Will rain make a surprise appearance?
Will Ruthie be tempted to wear sunglass in RF? We hope not.
Did you fall asleep nights prior imagining yourself ripping hits and fielding every ball cleanly?
Will you remember on Sunday every question to be answered?
Scouting: Two of their guys can hit the fence; both girls on left side of the infield are solid with strong arms; best to hit at or over 2B.
Pregame: Arrive 25 minutes before gametime for warming up arms and bats. Practice your head-chopping motions.
Postgame: If the weather's nice, stick around to scout the two teams (Ozone and No Tan Lines) that we won't face this season except possibly in the playoffs. Reflect on the days of old.
Injury Report
Keith season may have ended before it started. Three of six stitches were removed this week but doc says six more weeks away from softball. For now, the team will roll with 11 unless Andrew's daddy duties permit. View chronology of Keith's injuries.
Jami's shin continues to find things to bump into around her home and office. Is her leg drunk or something?
Lauren of the Band-Aids was in a car accident and neck problems have made her return uncertain.
Chandler Nights
The Free Agents take the two seed into the Snedigar Park's Friday night playoffs - on the "best-of-the-best" field. Good luck Connie, Jami, Jason and Ron.
NCAA Tourney Fun Facts
* It was 58 years ago when Clyde Lovellette became the first and only player to lead the nation in scoring and win a championship when Kansas won the 1952 title. After leading Houston to an improbable Conference USA title, Aubrey Coleman is the first national scoring leader to appear in the tournament since Gonzaga's Adam Morrison in 2006.
* The AP began conducting a basketball poll in 1948. Since then, the team ranked No. 1 going into the tournament has won the title 20 times, and only three times since the tournament expanded in 1985. Kansas is looking to be the first AP No. 1 to win the title since Duke in 2001. The only other time the Jayhawks entered the tournament as No. 1 in the nation was 1997, when Arizona beat KU in the Sweet 16 and later cut down the nets despite being No. 15 in the nation going into the tournament.
* Over the last 45 years, only four teams have won the title after being unranked in the preseason AP poll. Texas Western did it in 1966, then Villanova in '85, Syracuse in '03 and Florida in '06. The most obvious candidate this year is once again Syracuse, which earned a 1-seed despite being unranked to start the season.
Known Travel
Mar 28 Jami, Sarah
Week 2
Recap: 2nd Round Drilling
March 15th, '10 - 6 innings: Empty Pitchers 26, 1st Round Draft 4 1RD: 1 1 2 0 0 = 4 EP: 4 16 0 2 4 = 26
AWOL: ( None )
EP kept two good trends going against 1RD: the team scored 18 or more runs in three of the four matchups (28, 18 and last night 26) and for the fourth consecutive meeting tightened the defense spigot (20, 19, 10 and 4 runs).
Before the game, the skipper challenged Sarah to bat leadoff, who dared him back to keep her there. She responded, along with all the team at the plate.
In the big second inning, the team pounded out 21 hits and everyone scored at least once. The umps could have called the "Run Rule" after the 3rd inning (for teams ahead by 20 runs after 3 innings) but the 70 degree after-sunset weather was perfect and everyone seemed to be enjoying the fresh air.
Newton's laws of physics call for a balancing act, which occurred in the 3rd inning as EP's first two hitters popped their pitches straight up.
Defensively, Ron pitched the first inning before returning to SS. Andrew worked the utility spot and Marlee bravely took the hardest infield shots. Sarah has made nice catches at C in both games this season.
Scouted: "Cat", 1st Round Draft's pitcher, will go in EP lore as one of our favorite pitchers. Regardless of the score he was smiling and joking with EP.
Fungos: Everyone batted exactly four times; Ted has been the final out in both games this season... Salute to swinging - Jamie goes 4-4, all extra-bases; Ruthie was 1/4" from being perfect at the plate; Coach Buttertuso: "I'm surprised Marlee was 1-4. She was smashing the ball. I think they made some nice plays on her to get her out...";
the pterodactyl stayed in the bag this game; Keith, our sole fan in the stands, ensured no concussive plays were executive by 1RD; three dogs in the dugout.
Last week's scores
Warriors 10, Armadillos 6
Finish Strong 14, Band Aids 7
EP 26, 1st Rd Drft 4
Ozone 16, No Tan Lines 10
Better L8 17, GT Bombers 12
Elsewhere:
FR RamRod 19, Truffle Shuffle 9
Leftovers 16, Like We Care 12
Upcoming scheduleFinish Strong @ Better L8 Than Never
Both teams preach the same philosophy but come Sunday only one will know the true meaning.
GT Bombers @ Warriors
Both teams fight for freedom but come Sunday only one will be left to share lollipops with little children.
1st Round Draft @ No Tan Lines
When you're tanning in the sun and it starts burning up your buns, ahhhh a cool draft.
Ozone @ Armadillos
Thickness of the ozone layer compressed under one atmosphere: 3mm. Thickness of an armadillo compressed under ten thousand atmospheres: 3mm.
Tibetan Mountain Monk says:
With summer coming and softball battles in full mode, Warriors tan better with empty ozone.
Last week: 3-2 Total: 49-29
On Deck: Band-Aids
7 pm - HomeRecord: 0-2
Armadillos 15, Band Aids 2
Finish Strong 14, Band Aids 7
Previous meetings: 1-4 L 19-5 Season 3 L 13-5 Season 4 L 17-11 Season 5 W 16-4 Season 7 L 13-12 Season 8AWOL: Jami, Sarah?, Chad ( Andrew )
Once again, the gods of softball (Richard King and Aaron McCauley) have placed The Band-Aids and Empty Pitchers in the same division.
The psychological and physiological dominance possessed by the BA's in earlier seasons has been leveled.
Last season down 12-3 in the bottom of the third, The Band-Aids put together a string of 2- and 3-run innings while blanking EP the remaining four innings for the thrilling 13-12 win.
Bring the Band-Aid-Pitcher trophy homeScouting: T-Rex returns to the mound this season upon her return to Phoenix. Thie rest of the Band-Aids' lineup looks a little different.
Pregame: Park in the north parking lot next to the field instead of the west parking lot. EP bumper stickers will be handed out.
Big Wins in EP History
26-1 vs Los Diablos 's3 26-4 vs 1st Rnd Drft 's9
23-1 vs Jagerbombers 's4
23-3 vs Big Ballas 's7
Our Own Ugly Losses
5-19 vs Band-Aids 's3
5-16 vs AZ Devils 's6
10-21 vs GT Bombers 's5
GT Bombers & 1st Rd Drft are the only teams to score 20+ runs against us.
EP: News & Fun
Injury Report
Courtney's shoulder and hammy are hurtin'. Keith's hand continues to heal in sunlight, just like the Swamp Thing.
With Keith out the remainder of the season, Andrew will play when baby duties permit. Otherwise, we will roll with 11 players.
Hot Chandler Nights
A 6-4 quarterfinal win puts the Free Agents in position to win another trophy. They already won shirts for second place. Yes, the second place team gets shirts. The fifth place team gets a smack in the ass from Jason.
Empty Pitchers' March Madness
Winner receives a free beer at the end of the season.Point totals and Final Four teams left after the first two rounds:
Ryan (40): Kentucky & Syracuse
Tibetan Mountain Monk (39): Syracuse, N. Iowa
Courtney (39): Duke, Kentucky & Syracuse
Sarah (33): Duke & Kentucky
Jamie (33): Duke & Kansas St
Raoul (29): Butler, W. Virginia, Saint Mary's
Known Travel
Mar 28 - Jami, Chad, Sarah?
Week 3
Recap: Joshua: The hour of deliverance has come!
March 29th, '10 - 5 innings: Empty Pitchers 14, Band-Aids 1 BA: 0 0 0 1 0 = 1 EP: 2 4 6 2 x = 14
AWOL: Chad, Jami and Sarah( Vicky )
Narrator: The steel has been tempered. The metal is ready - for the Maker's hand.
Was any game on the schedule anticipated more by both teams? Meeting for the first time on Tempe's top field, aluminum bats were crafted for games like this.
Joshua: Four hundred years we have waited.
More like 336 days but we have waited for the trophy to return to the Pitchers.
Rameses: You gave them one day in seven to rest.
Both teams had plenty of players resting. Neither team had subs. Where were bash brothers Noel and Drew?
Moses: You gave me this staff to rule over scorpions and serpants. God made it a rod to rule over kings.
The Band-Aids' royal defensive venom couldn't stop the EP bats. Over the past nine innings, EP has scored forty runs.
Baka: Now, go after the water girl. Don't come back without her.
Three times Courtney reached base and three times Ron followed her with a hit. Twice Ron and Courtney crossed home plate. And Baka said it was good.
Nefretiri: Do not exhaust yourself, Great One.
Andrew had two round-trippers.
Yochabel: Run to the prince and beg mercy! Lilia: Mercy from Rameses?
The blues called the game midway through the fifth inning.
Moses: Great one, I bring you Ethiopia.
[Trumpets play, Ethiopians step forward]
Lauren and the Band-Aids smile and offer a golden (-filled plastic) trophy at the foot of the pitcher's mound. EP players all take a knee. Moments later, Raoul starts a journey up Camelback Mountain.
Moses:Shame? What change is there in me? Egyptian or Hebrew, I am still Moses. These are the same hands, the same arms, the same face that was mine a moment ago.
Despite run-ruling them, these are still the same Band-Aids who have toyed with us in the past, yanking on our hearts in games following losses to us. They will have their vengeance.
Fungos: Nefretiri: Take care, old frog, you croak too much against Moses.
For the second straight game, the pterodactyl stayed in the new ball and bat bag (see picture at right).
Jethro: You have come far. Moses: From Egypt. Jethro: You crossed the desert on foot? He has no name surely guided your steps.
Three ways to translate this: Andrew playing RC for five innings and divinely shown where to step so he could fall and still catch a Band-Aid bomber at the warning track... or Vicky making her EP debut from Friday's Free Agents in Chandler... or the six EP fans who crossed the desert, trading hot sands for hot stands, to watch tonight's game. Actually the weather was a perfect 70 degrees.
Last week's scores
Better L8 19, Finish Strong 7
Warriors over GT (forfeit)
EP 14, Band-Aids 1
No Tan Lines 15, 1stRD 3
Armadillos 11, Ozone 10
Elsewhere: Moses: Are you a master builder or a master butcher?
Baseline Sports Bar 16, Masterbatters 10 ...
Original Masterbatters 7, 3up 3down 4
Upcoming scheduleOzone @ Finish Strong Memnet: What have you found? Bithiah: The answer to my prayers! Memnet: You prayed for a basket?
FS may need more than a basket to win this one.
Band-Aids @ Better L8 Sephora: I do not know about such things, but I know that the mountain rumbles when God is there, and the earth trembles, and the clouds are red with fire.
The NE field has shaken for over two seasons when Better L8 takes the field.
Warriors @ No Tan Lines Rameses: Laughter? Laughter? My son I shall build your tomb upon their crushed bodies. If any escape me, their seed shall be spattered and acursed forever. My armor! The war crown! Laughter? I will turn the laughter of these slaves into wails of torment! They *shall* remember the name of Moses! Only that he died under my chariot wheels!
Game of the week.
GT Bombers @ 1st Round Drft Sethi: Harden yourself against subordinates. Have no friend.
GT Bombers are unlikely to soften against 1RD.
Tibetan Mountain Monk says:
Worship the bunny of chocolate eggs. Share these tips with Elijah: Oze, L8, Pitchers, Tan, Bombers.
Last week: 4-1 Total: 53-30
On Deck: Armadillos
7 pm - AwayRecord: 2-1
Armadillos 15, Band Aids 2
Warriors 10, Armadillos 6
Armadillos 11, Ozone 10
Previous meetings: None AWOL: None
Joshua: Tomorrow will bring a new world for us, Lilia!
This meeting will be the first between EP and the Armadillos.
Moses: The strong make many. The weak make few. The dead make none.
Moses and Pharoah were discussing making free throws down the stretch in NCAA hoops but look at this as a metaphor for base hits against the Armadillos and future opponents.
Nefretiri: You need have no fear of me.
"Au contraire," said the French to the Egyptians. This team whooped the Band-Aids 15-2 in week one.
Scouting: Rameses: You have rat's ears and a ferret's nose. Dathan: To use in your service, true son of Pharaoh. Rameses: Add to them, the eyes of a weasel. And find me this would-be deliverer. Pregame: Memnet: Bithiah drew a slave child from the Nile, called him son and prince of Egypt
We, too, shall spend our pregame by each drawing a slave child from the Nile, calling him son and prince of Egypt.
Gameplan: Bithiah: They will stop for me! Mered: A charging chariot knows no rank!
Charge the bat through the ball at the plate and make them know your rank defensively.
EP: News & Fun
MiscellaneousRameses: Do you haggle with me, like a seller of melons, in the marketplace?
During the 3rd inning Raoul worked the hot dog vender for a free bag of chips.
Rameses' son: Mother! Mommy! He turned his staff into a cobra!
Insert your own nice little joke here.
Narrator: And God said Let there be light, and there was light. And from this light, God created life upon earth. And man was given diminion over all things upon this earth and the power to choose betweem good and evil.
Let's not get carried away. Man holds no diminion over woman. With the game called, the umps let there be light, allowing the Band-Aids and Empty Pitchers to remain for a bonus inning of Sunday night softball.
Bithiah: A conquerer, already conquered? Moses: The first face I look for and the last I find.
Due to three consecutive rainouts for the opening game, EP will face the great conquerers, Warriors and Better L8 Than Never in the final two regular season games.
Hot Chandler NightsBaka: This is not that day, Joshua.
[Baka lashed another stripe on Joshua]
Free Agents dropped a close semifinal game after leading most of the night. Next season for Connie, Jami, Jason, Ron and Vicky starts immediately.
Empty Pitchers' March Madness
Winner receives a free beer at the end of the season. Point totals and Final Four teams left after the first four rounds:
Sarah (105)
Courtney (59)
Tibetan Mtn Monk (56)
Jamie (53)
Ryan (52)
Raoul (48) Known TravelDathan: We shall wander north from Egypt! Do you know why?
The GM is not aware of anyone else missing games the remainder of the season. Please email any new travel/missed dates immediately.
Week 4
This week's dedication: rocker/Pitcher Ted Organ
Recap: Ted's Catchy Hits Weekend
March 29th, '10 - 5 innings: Armadillos 9, Empty Pitchers 7 EP: 0 0 4 1 0 1 1 = 7 Ar: 4 2 2 0 1 0 x = 9
AWOL: None
It was a big weekend for the rockstar of our group. Ted's band, Darkness Dear Boy, had their first CD release party Saturday. Ranking Ted's performances this weekend:
The plate - 3 towering pop-ups turned easy catches
The Armadillos got things rolling early with some good hitting and several misplays defensively by EP.
The Empty Pitchers' land of confusion ebbed as the game proceeded.
Unfortunately, aside from the 3rd inning the Empty Pitchers couldn't get groovin' at the plate and the Armadillos flawless defense forced EP to earn every base.
These two teams appear be mirror images of each other.
Scouted: Right here, right now - almost every batter took aim towards RF. It was a busy night for Chad....
Their pitcher tosses almost every pitch with backspin... their team keeps stats too in a separate baseball stat book - no need to snap a photo.
Fungos:
Just one walk for Jason...
Plate perfection: just Jamie; 2 fans in the stands from California: Marlee's and Ted's parents in for the CD release party.
Sunday's scores
Better L8 Than Never dropped a sledgehammer on the Band-Aids as they knocked out five homers over the fence.
Ozone 16, Finish Strong 14
Better L8 23, Band-Aids 3
No Tan Lines 9, Warriors 2
GT Bombers 16, 1st Rd Dft 7
Upcoming scheduleOzone @ Band-Aids
Meteorologists and Band-Aids debate the importance of the letter "d" in "Wind against Ozone"
Armadillos @ Better L8T Nvr
Game of the week. Might be worth sticking around to see how many L8 hits over the fence in the first two innings.
No Tan Lines @ GT Bombers
Both teams 2-2 and averaging 13.5/10.5 runs for/against. Winner could get home field in the playoffs!!!
1st Rd Draft @ Warriors
Teams each have won one and lost one when facing each other, one game decided by four and last year by one.
Tibetan Mountain Monk says:
He who would learn to fly one day must first learn to stand and walk and run and hit and slide.
Bet your prized farm animal on Ozone, Pitchers, L8, Tan and Warriors.
Last week: 4-1 Total: 57-31
On Deck: Finish Strong
7 pm - AwayRecord: 1-3
Warriors 16, Finish Strong 5
Finish Strong 14, Band Aids 7
Better L8 Than Never 19, Finish Strong 7
Ozone 16, Finish Strong 14
Previous meetings: (1-0)
W 11-7 Season 7
AWOL: None
You might think this game should be an automatic win based on records and statistics but this game could be a trap.
This is our last "should-win" game of the season with three games to go. You will rarely hear the call to crush an opponent but that is what we must do to avoid potentially our first losing season since season two.
Scouting:
Girl at 2B may be their best defensive player though SS and 3B are solid. None of the guys tested the backpeddling of our OF.
Gameplan:
Keep the mistakes to a minimum and we should have this one.
Utility players this week will be Jason and Courtney. Ron will take the mound for all but one inning this Sunday to give Jason a break from the monotony of pitching.
Postgame: Post-game food and drinks at Dos Gringos. Name the video from this recap with both a goldfish and guillotine for a chance to win a free beer!
EP: News & Fun
Miscellaneous
Take note Ted what the masses want in your future music videos.
Retrograyed posts:
Great song...Free
Medieval Attire...100$
Dancing midget...50$
Cute blonde...200$
All of them in the same video? Flippen priceless.
If you dislike both softball and music, here's a video of a sea lion eating an octopus.
Hot Chandler Nights
Free Agents opened the season with a convincing victory. Ron ate a convincing meal afterwards at Native New Yorker.
Known Travel
Connie? Chad?
Ptack Ptalk
There are 26 steps towards a successful swing. I've removed 20 of 'em, including drinking scotch before swinging.
Swing during warm-ups before game
Bend the knees
Swing level
Find the center of the ball in the pitcher's hand, smile at it and never lose sight of it
April 18th, '10 - 5 innings: Empty Pitchers 16, Finish Strong 9 EP: 1 3 1 0 3 8 = 16 FS: 3 4 0 0 2 0 = 9
AWOL: Andrew ( Jim )
Less than 24 hours after Keith and Anna tied the knot, half the Empty Pitchers broke their ball & chains position-wise and the results early were... not pretty.
Following EP's one run to start the game, Finish Strong's pitcher dropped Ron's first pitch from the altar between 1B and RF and bolted around the bases for a homerun. The team had several miscues defensively as Jamie manned the chastity belt of SS, Connie chaperoned LF, Jim (Courtney's pop making his EP debut) protected the sanctity of 3B as Jason and Courtney showered the field as utility players.
In the bottom of the 3rd inning down 7-5, Ron worked himself out of a nasty jam as FS got runners on second and third with no outs. After Marlee ripped a laser out of the air to record the first out, Ron walked the bases loaded to increase the excitement yet allowed no runs to cross. In the bottom of the fourth, EP nailed its first of two 1-2-3 innings,
Trailing 7-5 after four complete, Jamie entered the dugout, got down on one knee and asked the team if it would vow to knock the leather off the softball at the plate. Everyone accepted his proposal with an "I do." Jami lifted the veil of EP swinging power by toasting a shot over the infield and five batters later, three guests of the pterodactyl held a reception at home plate.
As the blues announced 12 minutes left in the game, EP took the field in the bottom of the 5th determined to hold their first lead since halfway through the first inning. Ron recorded the first out but four of the next five hitters reached base and two scored to retake the lead by one.
For EP's final at-bats, the bouquet of pitches tossed by the Finish Strong pitcher were met with kisses from the sweet spot of our bats as eight runners ringed the bases and everyone but Jason got a chance to bat. Connie led the procession with a crushing grounder over 3B, Jim was forced to accept a walk, Ted knocked Connie in, Jami sent Jim home from third and, well, space is limited on the internet to keep going.
In the bottom of the last inning, Marlee took the game away from FS. She retired their first batter with a force at 2B and then turned a 6-4-3 double play as Finish Strong's status as the bridesmaid and never the bride continued in their battles with the Pitchers.
Scouted:
Solid play throughout their infield and the outfield played well aside from a couple misplays in RF. Their pitcher tossed nothing special but had good command, walking just a couple. Their pitcher is their best hitter, aims for RF, runs very aggressive and has great speed. Connie and Ted had only a catch each on the left side.
Fungos:
Marlee sold her Suns playoff tickets to play tonight... players are not required to sell pro or college playoff tickets to play EP ball, though doing so will add $1 of credit to the pop-up pot...
Plate perfection: look at those lovely ladies lacing liners - Connie and Jami go 6-6 producing 4R and 2RBIs... Can you dance? Courtney, Marlee and Ron almost matched Connie's moves on the basepaths... four fans in the stands, three of whom will not be eligible age-wise for at least 6 more years.
Sunday's scores
Ozone 28, Band-Aids 3
EP 16, Finish Strong 9
Better L8 14, Armadillos 2
GT Bombers 11, No Tan Lines 9
Warriors 14, 1st Round 2
Finish Strong has given up 16 runs in 3 of their 5 games this season...
Lauren sadly admitted Band-Aids have been run-ruled in every game and the lack of music may be part of the reason...
Upcoming gamesFinish Strong @ No Tan Lines
Finish Strong needs to avoid the bottom two spots in the standings for the playoffs.
GT Bombers @ Armadillos
Winner is guaranteed a winning record this season. The loser could be our first round opponent.
Better L8 Than Never @ Ozone
Game of the season. Both teams average 18 runs/game.
Band-Aids @ 1st Round Draft
Both teams search for their first win of the season. Winner has a chance to avoid Ozone and Better L8 in the playoffs.
Tibetan Mountain Monk says:
Two straight 4-1 weeks. Newton's laws say I should have equal and opposite weeks ahead.
Empty lines bomb better band.
Last week: 4-1 Total: 61-32
On Deck: Warriors
5 pm - HomeThis season: 4-1
Warriors 16, Finish Strong 5
Warriors 10, Armadillos 6
Warriors over GT (forfeit)
No Tan Lines 9, Warriors 2
Warriors 14, 1st Round Draft 2
History: 0-2 Season 7 - L 12-14 Season 8 - L 8-9AWOL: Ted? and Sarah? ( ),
Warriors are truly a mirror image of Empty Pitchers. The team that makes less mistakes in the field should win this game. Our two previous games have been decided by a total of three runs.
Enough of the upcoming game... what about the upcoming life for Anna and Keith?
Carmen says:
"Don’t worry about checking the bank account she’ll always make sure it’s right! And when in doubt the correct response is “Yes Honey”!
Congratulations Keith! You are so lucky to have met your perfect match you know you only get one in a lifetime. Take care of each other and always tell the other how much you love one another. You are a kind, fun, and genuine person and I am confident you two will have a beautiful life together."
Sarah skywrites: "I'm not married, but my parents have been for 40 years, and they have always told me that what keeps them together is always making time for themselves.... Despite kids, work, and all the other pressures... Make and take time for youselves! Many happy years together!"
Courtney whispers: "Never go to bed angry and always do little things for each other that lets the other person know that you care, not just on special occasions, but any time you can."
Frank shares:
"Remember start training her right away. Never ask permission, (just do it, then) ask for forgiveness! Congratulations to you both. Wish you a lifetime together."
Anne-Marie toasts: "Congrats to Anna and Keith from the Sunshine State!!! I always appreciated your kind heart and wish you both many kind years together. While there are some that may relish in their singledom, I envy those that have been lucky enough to find a companion in life. Our lives are meant to be shared, so cherish your time as a united front. You ain't missin' nothing from this side, I assure you. Go Team Zollman!"
Andrew offers: Marriage is an institution.........so I guess if you join it, you should be institutionalized!"
Ted pens: "Be careful Keith...after you get married the female eats your head off and then mates with your dead body for several days...oh wait that's praying mantises... never mind! Congratulations!"
Scott promises: "Keith, I just want you to know I will continue collecting new and unique STDs long into your new marriage. I will name one of them after you so that you don't miss out on all the fun.
Congratulations on tying the Gordian knot you beautiful sensitive bastard you!"
Raoul sends: Keep the mystery and surprises coming in your relationship.
Here are some great quotes from really astute children on marriage.
Scouting: Warrior's pitcher can work all parts of the plate with mesmerizing spin; the left side of the infield is stronger than the right side; their females all have solid power and #2 likes to work all parts of the field - particularly right field.
Pregame: We are home team and the field will be empty. As soon as you get there, hit the field for warmups. Bring plenty of water.
Postgame: Mandatory post-game drinking at Dos Gringos.
EP: News & Fun
Things overheard at Keith and Anna's wedding
Oops... that's part of the burlap.
That's not for drinking Jamie... it's for blowing bubbles.
You shouldn't be eating those off plants at the botanical garden, Courtney.
Do you want to see my treasure?
Miscellaneous
Ted's band is playing a show in Vegas this weekend!
EP has won games this season by a margin of 56-12.
EP has lost games this season by a margin of 22-16.
Since stats were first kept in season 7...
Ron's 7 RBI's this week was one short of Andrew's record day in a season seven 28-20 win over 1st Round Draft.
Jamie joins Melissa and Ron as the only players to score four times in one game. There have been dozens who have scored thrice.
Hot Chandler Nights
Free Agents played their El Guapo: Victorious Secret, who has scrimmaged EP on Daley Field and apparently reloaded with all new weapons. Free Agents showed them who's the boss.
Injuries
Sarah re-injured her calf, which she had been hiding from the trainer.
Jim took a roll and bloodied up his elbow.
Known Travel
Apr 25th - Sarah? Ted?
May 2nd - Chad
Ptack Ptalk
There are 26 steps towards a successful swing. I've removed 20 of 'em, including drinking scotch before swinging.
Swing during warm-ups before game
Bend the knees
Swing level
Find the center of the ball in the pitcher's hand, smile at it and never lose sight of it
Drive the bat thru the ball
Swing at 75% power - not 100%
Week 6
Recap: A Day in the Life
April 25th, '10 - Forfeit: Empty Pitchers 7, Warriors 0 WR: 12 22 1 0 37 8 = 0 EP: 15 11 1 0 52 0 = 7
AWOL: Ted, Sarah, Ron ( Dennis ) and Connie ( Jessica )
6:47am - Andrew wakes up, gets out of bed and drags a comb across his head. 8:52am - Ron and Connie wake up in Vegas, richer from experiences and a little poorer in the wallet. 10:18am - Jason begins yardwork. 10:23am - Chad cracks open the Book of Raoul - Volume I for the first time. 1:32pm - Ron texts he and Connie are stuck at the Hoover Dam in traffic and their gametime arrival is unlikely. 1:38pm - Dennis, of Friday's Free Agents, agrees to make his EP debut. 2:22pm - Jessica agrees to come out of retirement to fill Connie's spot. 2:49pm - At 32,000 feet at 400 nautical miles per hour, a fight breaks out between two passengers. Sarah breaks out her brass knuckles. 3:37pm - Ted's van is rear-ended at the Hoover Dam. 3:38pm - Mysterious groupies/record execs wearing sunglasses in a yellow convertible pull Ted from the van and speed off. 4:31pm - Sarah's plane lands and is greeted in the jetbridge by police and TSA, who confiscate her brass knuckles. 4:52pm - Brian, manager of the Warriors, informs us they are short two girls and must forfeit. The teams agree to scrimmage. 5:06pm - After quick 3-up-3-down's from each team, both team's batters begin rocking the ball where the defenses aren't. 5:25pm - Andrew takes the mound with Jamie behind the plate. An array of backspins and sidespins dazzle Warrior batters. 5:28pm - The first grenade pitch lands 4 ft. to the right of the plate. 5:44pm - With two outs and a runner rounding third, Jason, playing SS, takes a relay and fires a strike to Jessica. The ball pops out of the glove but Jessica swipes the ball back into her glove before it can reach the ground. 5:45pm - Sarah's brass knuckles are returned to her by the TSA. 5:46pm - After two seasons of waiting, Jamie finally bats left-handed and drills a grounder between 1B and 2B. 6:06pm - Amy, Chad, Courtney, Dennis, Jamie, Jason and Ruthie arrive at Dos Gringos. 6:47pm - Dennis admits to Ruthie that he invented the baseball glove. 7:15pm - Nine beers and twelve waters later, the group leaves Dos Gringos. 7:44pm - Sarah with brass knuckles and water bottle in hand begins her search for Ted. 9:42pm - Ron and Connie show at Dos Gringos looking to party.
Scouted:
Warriors now have a female pitcher who tosses vanilla. Once again, solid defense and solid hitting.
Fungos:
Brian indicated the Warriors were really looking forward to this game as well. It looks like EP has officially developed a new friendly rivalry... Courtney's batting lineups have generated three straight wins spanning the past three seasons.
Sunday's scores
EP 7, Warriors 0 (forfeit)
No Tan Lines 14, Finish Strong 4
GT Bombers 12, Armadillos 9
Better L8 21, Ozone 0
Band-Aids 13, 1st Round 6
Band-Aids pick up their first win and double their offensive production in one game.
Elsewhere
AZ Devils 12, RamRods 3
Leftovers 16, Udder Team 4
Dobson Ranch HOA 16, Truffle Shuffle 3
Upcoming games Dobson Ranch HOA @ Leftovers
Both teams are tied for first place on the SE field at 5-1. The winner has good odds of jumping to the NE field's tourney.
Armadillos @ 1st Round Draft
After two tough losses will the Armadillos get cool, refreshing 1st Round Draft?
GT Bombers @ Finish Strong
Bombers bully both Armadillos and Tan Lines the past two weeks and aim to finish strong at 5-2.
Warriors @ Ozone
In the past week/decade, Warriors/Ozone both had holes in their lineup/radiation-shield. Let's pray things are better in days ahead.
No Tan Lines @ Band-Aids
Band-Aids can leave awful tan lines. I'm not sure if the team's name is hyphenated but I've always included one because it looks like a tiny digital band-aid.
Tibetan Mountain Monk says:
Who's drinking the mountain monk tea now? 13-2 over the past three weeks! The other monks say this is unbecoming of a monk but these are exciting, cheap thrills!
This week's picks: Armed with pitchers and bombers, warriors and bands rock the mountain's HOA!
Last week: 5-0 Total: 66-32
On Deck: Better L8 Than Never
6 pm - AwayThis season: 6-0
Better L8 19, No Tan Lines 18
Better L8 17, GT Bombers 12
Better L8 19, Finish Strong 7
Better L8 23, Band-Aids 3
Better L8 14, Armadillos 2
Better L8 21, Ozone 0 History: First meeting ever
AWOL: Ted, Sarah and Chad ( Dennis )
The big number:
If we hold BL8TN to twenty runs or less, EP will have held the average opponent to less than ten runs per game.
The team will then accomplish its minimum of three goals of the season. Already completed are:
Beat the Band-Aids / win trophy
Breaking bread together after a game and enjoying adult sodas
If we score 15+ runs this game, we will accomplish averaging 15+ runs/game.
Other goals include two hours of team charity work, first place regular seaon, win the tournament, an undefeated season and solve the question of Raoul. Will Chad have digested Vol II while away? Or will Keith bring back the answer from deep within a Mexican forests while on his honeymoon?
Scouting: Both the guys and girls mash the ball. One of their girls is tiny... and she hits it farther than Andrew. Watch for Jason to use his knuckler to induce pop-ups.
Scary statistics: BL8TN only scored less than 17 once but scored more than 21 only once.
What a big scary team... to everyone but EP.
No need to kick it up three gears. Kick it up one and bring some solid, relaxed ball. The score will work itself out with the aid of Raoul and the pterodactyl.
Pregame: We will sacrifice a pterodactyl in a pyre to celebrate another fun season.
Postgame: More drinks and food either at Dos Gringos or Tilted Kilt with the ghost and Ogre. Leave your dogs at home - bring them for the playoffs.
Playoff Projections
An EP win guarantees a share of 2nd place yet the possibility of a #5 seed if the SE field's winner is bumped up and Warriors & Bombers both win. Crazy! Only eight teams will make the playoffs.
EP: News & Fun
Hot Chandler Nights
Free Agents had only Jami and Dennis as regulars. Ruthie, Chad, Courtney and Jamie of the EP teamed with Lauren and Amanda of the Band-Aids to help hold back Survivor II, who battled back from an 18-8 deficit to make things interesting in the final minutes. T-Rex's great pitching help the FA's hold on to win by one run.
Our greatest rival ever
This season is the last for the Band-Aids in Tempe softball. After taking the summer off they will begin play in Phoenix's city softball, which offers doubleheaders and double-elimination tournaments. They asked us to come along but a quick survey of a few EP players nixed that idea. Hopefully one day the Band-Aids return.
Injuries
Sarah's calf injury is more serious than expected and will miss the upcoming regular season finale.
Amy's ankle continues its slow heal (pun intended).
Ted's vehicular accident to his back was not as bad as the tricep injury he incurred at the buffet.
Known Travel
May 2nd - Sarah, Ted, Chad
Ptack Ptalk
There are 26 steps towards a successful swing. I've removed 20 of 'em, including drinking scotch before swinging.
Swing during warm-ups before game
Bend the knees
Swing level
Find the center of the ball in the pitcher's hand, smile at it and never lose sight of it
Drive the bat thru the ball
Swing at 75% power - not 100%
Week 7
Special guest at this week's game and recapper: The ghost of Colonel Sanders
Recap: Umps Call Game L8, Better Than Never
May 2, '10 - Better L8 Than Never 17, Empty Pitchers 2 EP: 1 0 1 0 0 = 2 B8: 3 6 7 1 x = 17
AWOL: Ted ( Dennis ), Sarah and Chad
I do declare… this was the windiest day of softball I have eva' seen!
Everyone in heaven knew the Pitchers needed to hold BL8TN under 20 runs to preserve their little runs against per game average and the umps were mighty kind to oblige by calling the game with just a few moments left.
That ball must have been more slippery than snot on a glass doorknob because I declare I have neva' seen the ball slip out of so many EP gloves on such routine plays.
And when the ball wasn't headin' towards an EP glove, BL8's shots off Jason were prettier than a glob of butter melting on a stack of wheat cakes!
It seemed each inning for EP was getting uglier than the east end of a horse headed west.
I could keep going describing this game but y'all might find me as full of wind as a corn-eating horse.
To sum it up, the game wasn't as painful as tying me to an anthill and filling my ears with jam, but it was one worth forgettin' cause you'll likely come face-to-face again in the championship!
Scouted:
I do declare some of their players were so tall if they fell down they would be halfway home.
Fungos:
No homeruns given up by Jason... Butter my biscuit, did you see Andrew's insane over-the-shoulder catch? What was nuttier than a squirrel turd was it was Better L8's deepest shot and hit by their shortest girl. That catch was finer than a frog's hair, I declare.
Sunday's scores
Armadillos 17, 1st Round Draft 7
Better L8 17, EP 2
GT Bombers 13, Finish Strong 8
Ozone 16, Warriors 1
No Tan Lines 21, Band-Aids 6
Elsewhere
Leftovers 33, Dobson Ranch 16
Upcoming games#5 Warriors @ #4 No Tan Lines Previous matchup
No Tan Lines 9, Warriors 2
A ball of dillo is no match for the fall of a bomb. Now pour some of my fine gravy on an armadillo and I do declare one has got a bucket of tastiness!
#7 Armadillos @ #2 GT Bombers Previous matchup
GT Bombers 12, Armadillos 9
Now you'll neva' see a tan line on the Colonel as I defend myself with a big hat and long sleeves.
Finish Strong and Band-Aids both get bumped to SE field's tourney and get the #1 asnd #2 seeds respectively with byes the first week. 1st Round Draft gets the #3 seed and a game this week. Good luck to all three teams. Leftovers and Dobson Ranch, the SE field's two top teams who we may see next season, get stuck facing each other in the first round.
The Colonel's picks: As a Colonel, I am a fan of any warrior… but any thought of a tan line get's my heart a-pumpin. I'll declare for the Tan Lines. The Bombers will enjoy the bucket of dillo and the air could be hotter than a billy goat in a pepper patch, so I declare the pitcher-emptying thirst-quenched Pitchers should victor!
Tibetan Mountain Monk says:
I have been building a cornucopia over the past three moons for my mama on Mother's Day.
This week's picks: No no no! Bombs empty onto innocent teams!
Last week: 2-3 Total: 68-35
On Deck: Ozone
7 pm - AwayThis season: 5-2
Ozone 21, 1st Rd Drft 17
Ozone 16, No Tan Lines 10
Armadillos 11, Ozone 10
Ozone 28, Band-Aids 3
Ozone 16, Finish Strong 14
Better L8 21, Ozone 0
Ozone 16, Warriors 1 History: First meeting ever
AWOL: None
Healthy individuals can experience the short-term irritants and long-term damage of ozone exposure.
Parents should pay particular attention to ozone levels because children's lungs can be permanently damaged and asthma may result. Athletes should pay attention to ozone levels because many exercise outdoors where they are exposed to greater ozone levels.
Immune system defenses can be impaired, leaving people more susceptible to respiratory infections, including colds, bronchitis and/or pneumonia.
Ozone can stick to the lung's lining acting as a powerful respiratory irritant, inflaming or damaging the lining. High levels and repeated ozone exposure can permanentlu scar and damage lung tissue, resulting in permanent loss of lung function and lower quality of life.
Over 80% of ozone warning days occur June through October, with the most dangerous time of the day generally during peak sunlight hours (11 a.m. to 6 p.m.).
"Good" ozone is located in the upper atmosphere where it protects life by absorbing harmful ultraviolet rays from the sun. This is the ozone we want to save. "Bad" ozone forms at ground level and presents a problem for plants and humans. "Bad" ozone forms when winds are light and when sunlight and warm temperatures interact with gasoline vapors, car exhaust, industrial emissions and chemical solvents. "Bad" ozone is the main component of smog and can harm your heart and/or respiratory system when you breathe it into your body, especially if you engage in physical activity outdoors.
Scouting: None. Comparing games against common opponents, we outplayed them (barely) against 1st Round Draft, Armadillos, Better L8, Finish Strong and Band-Aids (based on run-ruling them in less innings and runs against).
If we can outscore and play playoff-level EP defense, we should win this one.
Pregame: Perhaps we shouldn't joke about building a pyre and not actually doing it. The gods apparently don't like getting jilted of an expected sacrifice.
Postgame: No food or drinks but our opponent next week (if we win our game) plays immediately after and the weather should be nice. Bring a few bucks to buy a snack like a snow cone post game.
Team picture postgame so look your best (meaning full of dirt from a hard-played game).
EP: News & Fun
Hot Chandler Nights
Free Agents played the other undefeated team and early in the first inning, with Ron all jittery, the FA's rocked nine runs across the plate. After several innings, FA's led in the neighbohood of 16-2 for the beatdown.
Our greatest season ever
It could be this season. It could be the first season that started it all. It could be next season. No word yet if there will be one week break after the championship or we'll jump right in because of the three consecutive rain-outs this season.
Update on Ted
Last week it was reported Ted was kidnapped by both groupies and record execs after a fender bender at the Hoover Dam.
Ted was sighted in California this past week. There are rumors he has been sent to Greece to remedy the euro's plight and, if that fails, strengthen the dollar for foreign investors.
Injuries
Keith's finger and head continue to heal.
Known Travel
None.
Playoff thoughts
The Pitchers catch a break with the #6 seed. A #4 or #5 puts a Better L8 Than Never matchup before the championship.
The Pitchers also catch a break avoiding No Tan Lines, whose numbers are just slightly better than EP.
This is the best playoff bracket skill-wise we've been part of. Armadillos, a good team who beat us is the lowest seed. We also get an opportunity to avenge an early-season loss to the Bomber/Dillo winner.
All this assuming we beat an Ozone team that plays very similar to the Empty Pitchers. Enjoy it!
Final scoop from the Colonel
KFC's specialty is pressure-fried pieces of chicken made with the original recipe. The other chicken offering, extra crispy, is made using a garlic marinade and double dipping the chicken in flour before deep frying in a standard industrial kitchen type machine.
Playoffs
#1 Better L8 Than Never
Bye
#4 No Tan Lines
#5 Warriors
May 2, '16 - Ozone 11, Empty Pitchers 10 EP: 3 0 1 2 0 4 = 10 B8: 2 0 5 2 0 2 = 11
AWOL: Connie ( Christine )
Gan bei... the Chinese toast that your drink should be emptied. Our season has been gan bei-ed.
The team's Curse of Three... put only three opposing outfielders to play and it's our kryptonite this season. Check out China's answer to Superman: Zhong guo chao ren.
Subbing from Hot Chandler Night's Victorious Secret and playing utility, Christine nearly made the play of the night in the first inning on a wide throw to 1B towards home plate. Already several feet off the bag she stretched, caught and spun back to tag in a sweet single motion, but the baserunner was too speedy.
A double play, a blooper homerun, good pitching and a rally for Ted provided the highlights. On any given night, either of these teams could win the game but tonight, alas, we were the team doomed to stay home the following Sunday to watch either the Suns-Lakers semifinal or Lost finale.
Scouted:
The guys love to hit RF and they have a couple girls who can hit. Girl at 1B can hit and stretch for the catch. Pitcher tended to pitch short, getting EP batters to reach.
Because Ozone's guys can rip line drives all game long, EP can afford few mistakes defensively.
Fungos:
Plate perfection: Andrew, Chrisitne and Jamie combined to go 9-for-9... After going 1-3 in her EP subbing debut in season 8, Christine has gone 5-5 with 2R... Three fans in the stands: Mama Gattuso, Christine's mom and Christine's heir to her fortune... Orange hats are on probation... Tomato plants are on probation... The Chinese also drink something called baijo, which just about rips the lining of your stomach off.
Sunday's scores
The blues got three straight hours of exciting softball as all games were within one run.
#4 No Tan Lines 13 #5 Warriors 12
#2 GT Bombers 13 #7 Armadillos 12
Elsewhere
SE: After scoring 49 runs combined in the first game, Dobson Ranch avenges their finale loss.
#5 Dobson Ranch 12 #4 Leftovers 9
#6 Udder Team 11 1st Round Draft 4
Upcoming games#1 Better L8 vs #4 No Tan Lines Previous matchup
Better L8 19, No Tan Lines 18
Could be an epic rematch but the smart bet would be the first matchup were ideal conditions for NTL that are difficult to repeat.
#2 GT Bombers vs #3 Ozone Previous matchup
First meeting
Like the Pitchers, GT meets Ozone for the first time in the playoffs. Bomber emissions are sure to damage the ozone.
Tibetan Mountain Monk says:
Every new season comes from some other season's end.
Better bet is a late Bomber rally.
Last week: 2-1 Total: 70-36
On Deck: Season Review
3rd place (4-way tie)AwardsMost Sensitive: Keith. Only one vote for Someone Else. Were voters sensitive to Keith's injury? Rookie of the Season: Tie: Chad and Marlee. Asst GM Award: Ruthie. Most Not Named Raoul: Tie: Marlee and Ted. Should be noted Organ shares three of five letters. Most Improved Player: Connie. A tight three-way race. Who were the other two? Most Valuable Player: Ron. He hit everywhere. He played everywhere. Ron, watch for a UPS truck with your trophy.
Quick quipsPrivate message too good not to share:
We need more full bases and empty pitchers... - AnonymousQuickest, most accurate summary in a shared comment:
Another fun season but seems like this division was a little tougher than the others.... - AnonymousMost prolific period ( . ) using player: - Anonymous
Season in summary
Three consecutive rainouts to start the season bumped EP's toughest games to the end of the season. Ron was most valuable this season as he pitched the opening tough 13-9 loss to developing rival GT Bombers. EP responded angrily to Keith-killing, tourney-stealing rival 1st Round Draft by hammering out 26 runs to just 4 in game two.
The Band-Aids' rivalry sadly ended with a 14-1 win, keeping the trophy in Tempe as the BA's move to Phoenix's softball. Our first fresh foe of the season, Armadillos, tranced us into a 9-7 loss just hours after Ted tranced the City of Vegas with his DDB debut. A week later, Keith finished off single life as we finished off Finish Strong 16-9.
One of the season's most anticipated games against the Warriors was a win-by-forfeit and a win-for-fun as the two scrimmaged, Daley-style for an hour. Better L8 made EP cry uncle before a bunch of barbers shaved our season short in the playoffs (check out their holiday pics and find all your favorite baserunners).
Whacky stats
(aka stats whacking at the ball):
I got at least one hit:
These players never got shutout batting in a game this season: Chad, Courtney, Marlee, Ron and Sarah
3-4 batting games: Andrew, Chad, Connie, Courtney, Jami, Jamie, Marlee, Ron and Ruthie
Perfect games batting: 3 (Jamie), 2 (Andrew, Connie and Ron), 1 (Courtney, Jami, Marlee and Ted)
Popup $ to pay: $6 (Ted), $3 (Jamie), $2 (Jami) $1 (Andrew and Chad)
Monster stat lines:
3-3, 2HR, 2R, 4RBI - Andrew
3-4, 3R, 3RBI - Chad
3-4, 3R, 3RBI - Connie
3-4, 3R - Courtney
3-4. 2R. 2RBI, pu - Jami
4-4, 3R, 4RBI, HR - Jamie
2-3, 1R, 3RBI, sac - Jason
2-3, 2RBI - Marlee
2-4, R, 7RBI - Ron
3-4, 2R, 2RBI - Ruthie
2-4, 2R, RBI - Sarah
3-3, 3R, 2RBI - Ted Lovin' leadoff: Only two leadoff batters hit over .500 -
3-4, R, 3RBI - Chad vs Armadillos
2-3, R - Ron vs BL8TN
Lovin' at last: Only two batters at the bottom of the lineup weren't frozen at .500 or below
2-3, 2R, 3RBI - Ron vs Band-Aids
2-3, R, 4RBI - Chad vs FS
Biggest lead after two innings: 18 runs vs 1st Round Draft
Biggest deficit overcome: 3 runs vs Finish Strong
EP: News & Fun
Hot Chandler Nights
On Friday night, the Free Agent's winning continued despite Connie, Sherry and Jami going AWOL together to perform a Pointer Sisters tribute at Casino Arizona. Crowd favorites included I'm So Excited, Jump (For My Love) and Slow Hand.
Injuries
Keith is ready to return to action next season.
Sneak peak at next season
Likely starts June 6th since next weekend is Memorial Day.
Keith returns to action as Andrew tries baby hiatus for a second time. Look for his return in the fall.
As the Band-Aids have not resigned for the summer, Lauren of the Band-Aids as expressed a desire to be called on as a sub before Sunday play begins in the fall in Phoenix.
Sarah Stored in Carbonite to Keep Fresh Until Next Season
#1 Better L8 Than Never
Bye
#4 No Tan Lines 12
#5 Warriors 11