Season 12

New Faces

Moving from the upper deck to the dugout, Lisa (the woman who beat Wynona Ryder to Ted's heart) takes Sarah's spot for a season. Sarah has too much travel to commit this season. Lisa's interests include studying worms and turning Armadillo hides into novelty wallets.

Moving from the upper altitudes of Albuquerque, Tom (the man who beat Samuel Jackson in a game of Othello) takes Andrew's spot for a season. Andrew continues his rehab and is progressing nicely. Tom joined us at the batting cages / Ted's concert at Fiddlesticks several months earlier and was seen doing the worm to one of Ted's live dance remixes.

New Teams

Balls & Dolls and Cougar Bait join the Empty Pitchers on Tempe's top field. Nothing is known about I've Got Worms but last spring, Balls & Dolls finished 6-1 on Dawson's SW field, beating a bunch of teams The Elias Sports Bureau has never heard of.

One team suddenly dropped days before the final schedule creating a gap. The solution: each team will play one doubleheader this season. Ours occurs the weekend of March 13th.

New Banner

Unfortunately, dementers sucked the softball spirit from three players rendering them unable to submit their banner pics. However, our two new players and one injured-reserve player are represented.

Can you match the player with the animal?

Andrew Connie Courtney Jamie Jason Keith Lisa Marlee Ted Tom

Badger Bat Cougar Flying Squirrel Goat Hybernating Bear Meerkat Puma Red Tailed Hawk Wildcat

Hint: Andrew is not a badger and Connie is not a bat

Post your guesses in the comment box and the person closest receives a free shot.

New Tradition Continued

We are the Empty Pitchers. Several of the team began late last season meeting for one round before the games. There are no plans to drink post-game and there is no plan to get sloppy beforehand... but the plan is to hang for a bit and feel looser at the plate.

Teammates that play well off the field... play well on the field. Do your best to make it for a quick round at The Tilted Kilt pregame. An added benefit - if we show often enough, we may get sponsored eliminating our need to pay to play. That saved money can go towards beer. One beer tube can supply the entire team and costs only $15 total. Toss in a tip and it's less than $2 for pregame fun.

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Feedback:  The Pterodactyl Listens

On Deck:  I've Got Worms 9pm - Away History: First meeting ever Gone: None Scouted: Nothing is known about this team, so instead this public service message is provided: Pregame: As we have had no practices in over three months since our last game and we have the opportunity to scout our opponent (they play the doubleheader this week), it is suggested the Pitchers reach the field by 8:20pm. Those interested in catching up (no pun intended) at the Kilt, text Jamie an RSVP and meet at the Tilted Kilt by 7:45. Interesting fact about the picture below- Just seconds before, Jason tried to slip a batting glove over her hand instead of slipping a ring on her finger. Amy said, "Nuh uh..."

Regular Season Standings  (Avg Runs For/Against) 0-0  (   0 / 0   )  Armadillos 0-0  (   0 / 0   )  Arrowlane 0-0  (   0 / 0   )  Balls & Dolls 0-0  (   0 / 0   )  C Dogs 0-0  (   0 / 0   )  Empty Pitchers 0-0  (   0 / 0   )  I've Got Worms 0-0  (   0 / 0   )  Warriors

Upcoming Games

Armadillos @ C Dogs
The matchup takes rivalry status meeting for the third consecutive season (according to The Elias Sports Bureau). Each team has one once by scores of 13-7 and 15-8. Vegas bookies predict a 14-7.5 score.

Balls & Dolls @ Warriors
GI Joe figures are nothing but dolls with balls for boys.

I've Got Worms @ Arrowlane
Arrowlane will warm up the Worms prior to the Worms-Pitchers matchup.

Tibetan Mountain Monk says:
Welcome back. In our time apart I have discovered a mine on the other side of the mountain.

Warriors who shoot arrows through dogs are cowards... but those are my picks. And the Pitchers, of course.

Last week: Breathing mine dust
Total: 106-66

Hottest Chandler Night On Record

Jason and Amy tied the knot before one of the Free Agent's Friday night softball games in front of both teams. How did it affect Jason's performance? Three homeruns and triple!

Congrats Amy and Jason!

Sweet Sounds

Ted's band, Darkness Dear Boy, has had their weekly show moved! Wednesday Nights are now at Long Wong's in Tempe....

They will be there every Wednesday night along with What's Left and Page the Village Idiot.

Known Travel

Feb 20th - Tom

Riddles of Raoul

What lies in bed, and stands in bed,
First white, then red.
The plumper it gets
The better the old woman likes it?
Highlight space between quotes for answer: "   A strawberry     "

Feb 13th, 2011
Empty Pitchers 15, Cougar Bait 10
EP:   1   5   3   4   2   0  =  15
CB:   0   3   4   2   1   1  =  10

Gone: Ruthie ( Amy )

When Mr Bilbo Baggins of Bag End announced that he would shortly be celebrating his eleventyifirst birthday with a party of special magnificence, there was much talk and excitement in Hobbiton. But that excitement was due to the start of the Empty Pitchers' season.

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity,.... The Pitchers boasted the best, the wisdom and the belief while the Cougars, well...

Ron	4-4 ,  HR, 3R, RBI, BB
Amy	3-4 ,  R, BB, pu
Ted	2-4 ,  R, 3RBI, pu
Courtney	2-4 ,  RBI
Jamie	1-4 ,  R
Marlee	1-4 ,  pu
Keith	1-3 ,  R, pu
Connie	3-3 ,  3R, RBI
Tom	2-3 ,  HR, 2R, 2RBI
Lisa	2-3 ,  R, BB
Jason	3-3,   Grand Slam HR, 2R, 6RBI,
Jami	1-3 ,  RBI, pu

As players arrived, the Pitchers got to see their unknown foe in action as Cougar Bait (aka I've Got Worms) played the first doubleheader in EP memory. Two things stood out - the pitcher had control issues and they displayed a couple hitters who could launch the ball.

Ron and Amy used this knowledge to patiently draw two leadoff walks which led to the first run of the season while the EP defense showed its usual stoutness with a 1-2-3 inning in the field.

'Twas the second inning in which the fireworks exploded. Keith, Connie and Lisa loaded the bases and baited the outfield inwards for Jason, who launched a one-out shot deep towards centerfield to clear the bases. Two batters later, Ron raced around to put the Pitchers up 6-nil.

With Cougar Bait's meat tainted by the Pitchers and Arrowlane (who beat Cougar Bait 16-3 in the earlier game), their pressure to perform faded and their offense now started to purr. Yet whenever the cougars pounced on prey, the Pitchers moved in to steal the meal and add to their run total. Newcomer Tom provided some pop with his own homerun shot knocking in Connie in the 3rd inning. Overall there were nice performances at the plate up and down the order as several players reached on errors not reflected in the stats. Aside from five popups, nothing looked rusty after a three month layoff. Welcome back Pitchers.

Fungos:
Plate perfection: Ron 4-4, Connie and Jason 3-3... Jason's grand salami was the second in EP records. The first was in the Season 6 semifinal with EP down by four in the last inning and Jamie at the plate; let's hope we don't wait six seasons for the next... Jason had several strikeouts, including several guys induced to reach for sinkers landing well in front of the plate... Baseball and softball enthusiasts / nutritionists have debated for decades which pregame meals are best. This week, we take a look at empirical data taken straight from the Empty Pitcher's plates (both in a dining area and playing field) - couscous with chicken vs nachos with chicken:

Chicken + couscous batted 3-for-8 with 1R and 1RBI.

Chicken + nachos batted 6-for-7 with 3R, 6RBIs, a grand slam HR, a BB and a popup.

Two fans in the stands: Marlee's and Ted's folks who are achieving superfan status. All they have left to do is join the team for a pregame drink on the Kilt's patio.

Webgems:
Six hours before the fifth inning, new EP player, Tom, proclaimed his love for the OF because one can dive for the ball. Sure enough he laid out for a shallow fly over 2B in the fifth inning.

Not to be outdone, Ted trimmed the outfield grass with his glove in the exact same spot to end the game. Several opponents yelled that the ball dropped but it was apparent from the infield he got the glove under just in time.

Scouted:
Pitching is the El Guapo of Cougar Bait. Many of their girls are former D2 college players and their skills showed in the field, less so at the plate. Their infielders are prone to errors but their girl in RC roped in several tough long balls.

Cougars rarely attack humans in the wild, but this lineup features two males that attacked the warning track. Play the infield on the grass and they're reduced to cubs when they swing.

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Feedback:  The Pterodactyl Listens

On Deck:  Arrowlane 6pm - Home History: W 18-10 Season 11 Gone: Tom (none) Scouted: At the plate, this team can hit. Their offense will put the ball hard in play but they can be contained. Marlee saw lots of action when we faced them. Defensively, their SS is prone to mental errors so make him think twice. Their pitcher is a backspinner. Don't get caught mesmorized by silly rotation. Pregame: Tilted Kilt for a lazy Sunday afternoon brew around 4:50pm. Warmup around 5:30pm. We are the home team so we can warm up in the field.

Regular Season Standings  (Avg Runs For/Against) 1-0  (   16 / 3     )  Arrowlane 1-0  (   19 / 11   )  C Dogs 1-0  (   15 / 10   )  Empty Pitchers 1-0  (   14 / 11   )  Balls & Dolls 0-1  (   11 / 14   )  Warriors 0-1  (   11 / 19   )  Armadillos 0-2  (     7 / 16   )  Cougar Bait

Sunday's Scores

Warriors drop to the new kids (playing with balls & dolls) on the block:
C Dogs 19, Armadillos 11
Balls & Dolls 14, Warriors 11
Arrowlane 16, Cougar Bait 3
EP 15, Cougar Bait 10

Elsewhere:
LCM Swingers 8,
    Basis Loaded* 5
Z-Tejas 8,
    Cleats & Cleavage 7**
Green Hornets 9,
    Where My Pitches At? 8

* Amy Morton's team
** Bonus score for Scott

Upcoming Games

Armadillos @ Balls & Dolls
Check these bad boys out: Armadillo shoes: Doll scale.

Cougar Bait @ Warriors
If the Warriors are wookies like Chewbacca, the cougar bait may work.

C Dogs @ Warriors
The C Dogs are a nocturnal pack and the warriors will be coming off battle with their supply lines stretched thin.

Tibetan Mountain Monk says:
‘Laziness is our biggest enemy’- Jawaharlal Nehru. ‘We should learn to love our enemies’- Mahatma Gandhi. We must meditate to determine who’s advice to follow.

Pitchers, Dolls, Warriors and Dogs

Last week: 3-1
Total: 109-67

Hot Chandler Nights

The Free Agents record remains perfect.

Raoul in the News

Check it out here but don't worry, he's doing fine now.

Sweet Sounds

Jamie's soccer teammate, Dillon, plays with an established blues / New Orleans jazz player on some acoustic geeeetars at Kokopelli Winery from 7pm-10pm Friday in downtown Chandler. Delicious wine, food and sounds.

Ted's band, Darkness Dear Boy, has had their weekly show moved! Wednesday Nights are now at Long Wong's in Tempe....

They will be there every Wednesday night along with What's Left and Page the Village Idiot.

Known Travel

Feb 20th - Tom

Riddles of Raoul

Which is correct: 18 plus 19 is 36. Or 18 plus 19 are 36?
Highlight space between quotes for answer: "   Neither is correct – 18 plus 19 is 37!     "

Feb 20th, 2011
Arrowlane, Empty Pitchers
AL:   drip   drip   drip drip    drip drip drip   drip   drip    
EP:   drip drip drip       dripdripdripdripdripdrip      drip 

Some music for this rainout. At left, John Bonham's Fool In The Rain outtakes, which has potential as our team's official drum beat. At right, School Of Rock - how did the kid drummer compare to the pro?

The Mennonites are a group of Christian Anabaptist denominations named after the Frisian Menno Simons (1496–1561), who, through his writings, articulated and thereby formalized the teachings of earlier Swiss founders. Over the years, Mennonites have become known as one of the historic peace churches because of their commitment to nonviolence.

There are about 1.5 million Mennonites worldwide as of 2006.[3] Mennonite congregations worldwide embody the full scope of Mennonite practice from "plain people" to those who are indistinguishable in dress and appearance from the general population. The largest populations of Mennonites are in Canada, the Democratic Republic of the Congo and the United States. There are also a significant number of Mennonites scattered throughout China.

The Mennonite Disaster Service,[6] based in North America, provides both immediate and long-term responses to hurricanes, floods, and other disasters.

Fungos:

The rained out game has been moved to the end of the season, so please let Jamie know if you will be gone mid-April.

Check out this color blindness simulator. Upload your favorite (non-grayscale / non-sepia) photo and see what you're (not) missing.

Cold and thirsty from the rain? Try Weasel Poop Coffee. According to the Urban Legends website it is true.

The Band-Aids' Lauren's band, Super Stereo, is playing an old person-friendly show this Saturday at 8:30pm in Chandler at Jerseys (Kyrene and Ray). They recently were one of the top vote-getters on MTV.com. Courtney and Jamie plan to make their debut watching the band. Come join them!

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Feedback:  The Pterodactyl Listens

On Deck:  Cougar Bait 7pm - Home History: 1-0 W 15-10 Season 12 Gone: None EP Website Secrets Revealed! Connie is represented as a cougar in the top banner. Every time she walks towards the plate to bat, everyone yell to remind her to be viligent on the basepaths. The burden cannot be placed on the basecoaches to keep her safe. We must help Connie be strong. Remember when the mighty Chewbacca couldn't control himself from the Ewok bait? There was no one tougher in that galaxy far, far away. Let's hope Ron does not drive home with an empty car. Is that Jason or Ron dressed as Princess Leia? The outfield lines, barely distinguishable last week, have been burnt (not chalked) for this upcoming week. Scouted: Pitching is the El Guapo of Cougar Bait. Many of their girls are former D2 college players and their skills showed in the field, less so at the plate. Their infielders are prone to errors but their girl in RC roped in several tough long balls. Cougars rarely attack humans in the wild, but this lineup features two males that attacked the warning track. Play the infield on the grass and they're reduced to cubs when they swing. Pregame: Tilted Kilt for a lazy Sunday afternoon brew around 5:50pm. Warmup around 6:30pm.

Regular Season Standings  (Avg Runs For/Against) 1-0  (   16 / 3     )  Arrowlane 1-0  (   19 / 11   )  C Dogs 1-0  (   15 / 10   )  Empty Pitchers 1-0  (   14 / 11   )  Balls & Dolls 0-1  (   11 / 14   )  Warriors 0-1  (   11 / 19   )  Armadillos 0-2  (     7 / 16   )  Cougar Bait

Sunday Cricket Scores
Vijay Hazare Trophy

1st Preliminary Quarter Final: Punjab v Vidarbha
Vidarbha 278/8 (45/45 ov);
Punjab 178 (35.5/45 ov)
Vidarbha won by 100 runs

2nd Preliminary Quarter Final: Gujarat v Karnataka
Gujarat 168 (42.5 ov); Karnataka 136 (31.5 ov)
Gujarat won by 32 runs

1st Quarter-final: Jharkhand v Mumbai
Mumbai 213 (44.5 ov); Jharkhand 217/7 (45.4 ov)
Jharkhand won by 3 wickets (with 26 balls remaining)

If anyone knows what any of that means, please share.

Upcoming Games

Warriors @ Armadillos
Anagram matchup: Sir Arrow vs Mad Oil'r Sal

Arrowlane @ C Dogs
Last season's epic games: Arrowlane 17, C Dogs 16

C Dogs @ Balls & Dolls
Two things dogs will destroy or if left on the ground: balls and dolls.

Tibetan Mountain Monk says:
You truly expected me to predict a rainout? I know you think I see storms brewin' far off in the distance from atop my mountain.

Dillos, Pitchers, Woof Woof.

Last week: 3-1
Total: 109-67

Sweet Sounds

Ted's band, Darkness Dear Boy, has had their weekly show moved! Wednesday Nights are now at Long Wong's in Tempe. They will be there every Wednesday night along with What's Left and Page the Village Idiot.

Known Travel

None? That can't be true. Email your trips.

Riddles of Raoul

Can you read the following? Yy u r yy u b I c u r yy 4 me.
Highlight space between quotes for answer: "   Too wise you are, too wise you be, I see you are too wise for me.     "

Feb 20th, 2011
Arrowlane, Empty Pitchers
CB:    1   3   3  13  2   =   22
EP:    1   4   5   0    3   =   13

It didn't start out ugly. Ron, pitching the opening inning, was able to work out of a one-out bases loaded jam and made a nifty play on a hard grounder to Jamie's left. Ron was able to catch a high throw on the run and stomp the bag to end the inning.

Ron	2-3 ,  R, 2RBI, BB, K
Courtney	0-3 ,  pu
Jamie	2-2 ,  R, RBI, BB, sac
Jami	2-3 ,  R, RBI
Ted	2-3 ,  2R, RBI, pu
Pam	2-3 ,  2BB
Keith	2-2 ,  2R, 3RBI, sac
Connie	2-3 ,  2R, RBI
Tom	2-3 ,  HR, 2R, 4RBI, BB
Lisa	2-3 ,  2BB
Jason	2-3,   R, RBI, BB
Dani	1-2 ,  BB

At the plate, EP didn't have much to work with as the Cougar Bait pitcher continued with his erratic control and their diving girls in the outfield. In addition, with Ruthie and Marlee gone, the team turned to Courtney's visiting aunt, Pam (a softball player recovering from a surgery after taking a year off), and Tom's girlfriend, Dani, who hadn't swung a bat in over ten years.

The ladies worked their magic going a combined 5-for-8, drawing five walks by dazzingly the Cougar Bait pitcher with some hot cougar looks of their own!

The remainder of the EP lineup batted well, everyone over .500 except for Courtney. Tom continued his streak of a homerun in every game he's played with EP (jinx alert).

However, in the field the recipe for disaster in the 4th inning was 2/3 lucky dinks and rip-roaring singles and 1/3 mental breakdowns by the Pitchers defensively. Cougar Bait had two (2) (dos) (deux) guys in that inning hit infield popups and reach first safely. In the outfield, on routine pickups the OF bobbled the ball more in one game than we've seen in twelve seasons combined. Cutoffs were missed on throws and unneeded throws were made allowing baserunners to advance out of force out positions. But those failings were not as painful as these:

Fungos:
Plate perfection: none... Jason had no walks which increases the odds of a loss... Jason struck out several guys SWINGING (and we still lost)... Two fans in the stands: both Courtney and Jami brought their mommys.

Scouted:
Their girls can all hit the ball hard over the middle. Their girl in RC made an incredible diving catch in the first inning when they had only two outfielders (before the remainder of their team show up).

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Feedback:  The Pterodactyl Listens

On Deck:  Balls and Dolls 8pm - Home History: First meeting ever This season: 1-1 Balls & Dolls 14, Warriors 11 C Dogs 31, Balls & Dolls 16 Gone: Connie (Manea) Write your own funny preview of Balls & Dolls in the comment section at left (the editor is taking the quick and easy way out this week). Scouted: From the numbers, the team can hit but they can also make mistakes defensively... or they just play great offenses. Pregame: Tilted Kilt for a lazy Sunday afternoon brew around 6:50pm. Warmup around 7:30pm.

Regular Season Standings  (Avg Runs For/Against) 3-0  (   16 / 12   )  C Dogs 1-1  (   14 / 16   )  Empty Pitchers 1-1  (   12 / 14   )  Warriors 1-1  (   12 / 16   )  Armadillos 1-1  (   12 / 16   )  Arrowlane 1-1  (   16 / 21   )  Balls & Dolls 1-2  (   12 / 15   )  Cougar Bait

Six of the seven teams are averaging less runs scored than runs against. Amazing how that can be statistically possible. EP has the best +/- of the group, earning it second place.

Sunday Scores
Armadillos 13, Warriors 12
Cougar Bait 22, EP 13
C Dogs 15, Arrowlane 9
C Dogs 31, Balls & Dolls 16

Upcoming Games

Warriors @ C Dogs
The pack leaders looked poised to make a run at the regular season title.

I've Got Worms @ Armadillos
In nature, Armadillos like to eat worms.

Arrowlane @ Balls & Dolls
Will Balls & Dolls be exhausted after playing the Pitchers and lose their doubleheader?

Tibetan Mountain Monk says:
Sometimes, not even the gods can prevent a 13 run inning against the Pitchers.

My picks this week are the Dogs, Dillos, Pitchers and Dolls.

Last week: 3-1
Total: 112-68

Sweet Sounds

Ted's band, Darkness Dear Boy, has had their weekly show moved! Wednesday Nights are now at Long Wong's in Tempe. They will be there every Wednesday night along with What's Left and Page the Village Idiot.

Known Travel

Mar 20 - Keith

Mar 27 - Keith

Apr 10 - Lisa, Ted

Apr 18 - Jami

Riddles of Raoul

How did the man feel when he got a big bill from the electric company?
Highlight space between quotes for answer: "   He was shocked.     "