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May 1st
L 23-4
May 15th
L 15-11
AZ Outlaws
May 22nd
W 12-11
@ Balls Out
June 5th
W 15-9
@ The Nastees
June 12th
W 12-6
June 19th
L 15-12
@ Armadillos
June 26th
L 17-12
@ C Dogs
July 10th
W 11-7
July 17th
W 17-12
July 17th
L 18-4
The Big Kids
Season Awards
MVP: Jami
Most Improved Player: Ted

Asst GM Award: Lena
Most Sensitive Player: Keith
Rookie of the season: Dani
Most Not Named Raoul: Lisa

Checklist - complete at least three
  • Avg 15+ runs scored/game
  • Avg less than 10 runs allowed/game
  • Break bread / drink pitchers
  • Solve question of Raoul
  • Two hrs of team charity work
  • First place regular seaon
  • Win tournament
  • Undefeated season

  • Season 12 Recap:  Writer's Strike Ends

    It was bitter strike at times. The website, operated by local Gemini Jamie Kahn, was unable to swing a deal with contributor / player / local Gemini Jamie Kahn by a week 3 deadline. The result was turmoil in the field as the Pitchers dropped several straight to old rivals before righting the ship with by completing bookend victories to the regular season and knocking off the rival Armadillos in the opening playoff game.

    Now resolved, contract concessions included fewer minutes writing the website this season, a suit and tie while writing the website, more nachos while writing and a nametag for the operator.

    Three players shared Rookie of the Season honors, the third highest total in team history. Lena, Lisa and Tom slugged their way around the field and at the Kilt. Congrats you three.

    Ted broke free of the coral in the outfield, playing utility every game this season. With a solid batting performance, Ted earned the GM's nod for Most Improved Player (a consequence of the writer's strike: no online voting this season - team suffrage began in Season 4 - we'll see if power is returned to the people this season). Congrats Ted.

    Most Not Named Raoul went this season to the player who questioned most often why the meaning of this award has not been disclosed to the team by the GM. That winner is Courtney Heckel. Congrats Courtney.

    Most Sensitive almost went to Someone Else this season. Someone Else cried after a loss, threw a teammate's glove onto the bathroom rotunda after misunderstanding the punchline of a joke and, lastly, saved twenty-seven ladybugs from sure stomping in the field. But Keith edged Someons Else again. Congrats Keith.

    Most Valuable Player went to a rookie, the first time since Jason played the dual part in Season 5. This rookie homered his two opening games and paved the way for Ted's seemless transition to utility. He tied the team lead for visits to the Kilt and his assistance to the GM resulted in a new award: Team Mom. Tom joins the wearers of the Invisible Jacket. Congrats Tom.

    Team Mom: Rules for this initial award may change depending on the tastiness of treats brought, but for now, the winner of this award must be on the team roster. The inaugural winner is Dani, official girlfriend of our MVP who subbed a game for us, was placed on the playoff roster and brought Guiness brownies. Not only did she bring Guiness brownies but she made a special non-beer batch for Lena's children.

    Congrats to Ron for a fine job pitching for Jason throughout the season, Connie for making sure nothing dropped in RF in Ruthie's absence, Jami for not cursing while in the field in front of the kids, Marlee for also not cursing while in the field in front of the kids and Jamie, for bringing balance to the team by cursing while in the field in front of the kids.

    Season 13 Preview:
    Tempe Cannot Deny Our Awesomeness
    Looking to expand the team and develop new players, the team requested to move down to Tempe's southeast field where the competition is not as great. Tempe's response: no such thing.

    The Empty Pitchers will play their 5th straight season on Tempe's top Sunday night coed field (there are eight fields total). Prior to this run, the Pitchers went 11-3 over two seasons on the SE field. Since moving to the NE field, the Pitchers started 9-5 with one playoff win over two seasons but have since gone 5-9 with one playoff one.

    Andrew and Ruthie will be joined on the IR this season by Courtney, whose elbow worsens with each throw and swing. A doc has advised hold off a season. Team physicians tell Andrew his torn upper torso is looking good and his return could happen later this year or early next. Ruthie's doctors are awaiting the eggs to hatch inside her before choosing a course of action. As for Sarah, she continues her jet-setting ways.

    Season 13 sees a new Defense Against The Dark Arts profe… player to cover for Courtney. That player standing next to Tom in the outfield will be Wendy. Competitive softball is not new to Wendy but it's a been couple years. Like Lena, Jason and Jamie, she has a spouse (Dwayne) ready to step in when the team is short.

    New teams: Balls Out, Cerveceros, The Nastees and AZ Outlaws

    Old rivals: C Dogs (0-2), Armadillos (2-2), Warriors (1-5)*
    * Win was by forfeit

    Standings  [Runs For/Against]
    1-0   [ 17 / 3 ]  Armadillos
    0-1   [ 10 / 11 ]  AZ Outlaws
    0-1   [ 7 / 17 ]  Balls Out
    1-0   [ 11 / 10 ]  Cerveceros
    1-0   [ 17 / 7 ]  C Dogs
    0-1   [ 3 / 17 ]  The Nastees
    1-0   [ 23 / 4 ]  Warriors

    Sunday Results

    Warriors 23, EP 4
    Cerveceros 11, AZ Outlaws 10
    Armadillos 17, Nastees 3
    C Dogs 17, Balls Out 7

    Upcoming Games

    Ceveceros @ Armadillos
    C Dogs @ The Nastees
    Balls Out @ Warriors

    Tibetan Mountain Monk says:
    I will share this secret with you but I was brought into mediate the strike mentioned above.

    The Pitchers will pull a victory over their nemesis Warriors. In addition, the Outlaws, Nastees and C Dogs will show how vicous this division is this season. What a scary bunch of names not fit for a monk.

    Last week: 2-2
    Total: 114-70

    Known Travel May 1st - Marlee and possibly Jamie

    Email Jamie any known travel dates so he can coordinate subs.

    Riddles of Raoul
    What does corn say when it's frustrated?
    Highlight space between quotes for answer: "   Aw shucks     "

    On Deck:
    6pm - Home
    History: 1-5
    AWOL: Marlee (none)

    Who are the greatest warriors in history and, as Yoda would ask, what makes them so great?

    Any list must include Alexander the Great, who had perhaps the greatest combination of leadership, tactics, strategy, statecraft and logistical wizardry the world has known.

    Napoleon took a nation shattered by bloody revolution and forged the finest army of a generation. His application of the principles of war led to a rennaissance in military doctrine which persists to this day.

    No single commander has conquered over so wide a territory as the great Ghengis Khan. Many assume he died after falling off his horse due to old age and physical fatigue. There are persistent folktales that a Tangut princess, castrated him with a knife hidden inside her and that he never recovered.

    Patton refined armored warfare, while simultaneously creating the American way of war--- fast, lethal, and relentless pursuit of the enemy army.

    Jason Bourne, whose skills include expertise in hand-to-hand combat, firearms, knives, explosives, handling numerous vehicles, and speaking fluent English, French, Dutch, Russian, German, Spanish, Czech, Polish and Italian, faces off against his long-time nemesis, while avoiding Russian assassins, American government agents, and a shadowy organization with a hidden agenda.

    Scouted: Warriors are truly a mirror image of Empty Pitchers. The team that makes less mistakes in the field should win this game. Almost all games between these two rivals have been won by less than three runs.

    Game recap: Mayday Mayday We're Going Down!
    May 1st,'08 - 5 innings: Warriors 23, Empty Pitchers 4
    Gone: Jamie, Lisa and Marlee

    Come in tower, we seem to have a small malfunction. We've been cruising along just fine and now, suddenly, we've lost a little altitude. We were holding steady at 4-4 but now as we near our destination we're down 8-4.

    Roger that, we'll continue to hold this pattern and try shortly to regain altitude.

    Whoa, mayday mayday... we're dropping altitude fast! We're down 11-4, no wait 14-4! Oh my!

    We're at 16-4..

    This is going to be a hard landing! Get out the emergency vehicles / pitchers of beer! Ahhhhh 23-4!!!!!

    Fungos: This was the team's worst loss in modern EP history. One would have to ask Keith or Jamie about the days of Last Call Clean All to recall a loss of this magnitude but you may have better luck getting a war vet to open up about his/her experiences than getting Keith or Jamie to open up about those days... If the offense doesn't swing into gear soon, the team may look to conduct batting practice at Fiddlesticks or Kiwanis. Fiddlesticks has go-karts...

    Standings  [Runs For/Against]
    1-0   [ 23 / 4   ]   Warriors
    1-0   [ 17 / 3   ]   Armadillos
    1-0   [ 17 / 7   ]   C Dogs
    1-0   [ 11 / 10 ]   Cerveceros
    0-1   [ 10 / 11 ]   AZ Outlaws
    0-1   [   7 / 17 ]   Balls Out
    0-1   [   3 / 17 ]   The Nastees
    0-1   [   4 / 23 ]   Empty Pitchers

    Sunday Results

    Warriors 23, EP 4
    Cerveceros 11, AZ Outlaws 10
    Armadillos 17, Nastees 3
    C Dogs 17, Balls Out 7

    Upcoming Games

    Ceveceros @ Armadillos
    C Dogs @ The Nastees
    Balls Out @ Warriors

    Tibetan Mountain Monk says:
    Sometimes, we must lose big to appreciate what we have.

    Dillos, Dogs, Warriors and Pitchers sweep the new teams this week. That's a guarantee.

    Last week: 1-3
    Total: 115-73

    Known Travel

    June 5 - Lisa and Ted
    June 12 - Jason and Lisa

    June 19 - Jason

    Riddles of Raoul
    Who can marry a lot of wives and still be single?
    Highlight space between quotes for answer: "   A minister     "

    On Deck:
    AZ Outlaws
    8pm - Home
    History: First meeting ever
    AWOL: None

    In the first movie, Josey Wales is a good man who loses his wife and child to a pillaging Yankee army as the America's bloody civil war wanes.

    In the second movie, he and Dean Wormer of Animal House fame team up after a 23-4 drubbing from the Union army on the softball field.

    How does Josey remove nasty grass stains and what is a Missouri Boat Ride?

    Scouted: The only thing we know is we know nothing.

    Game recap: Pitchers Streak Reaches Three
    Jun 12th - 6 innings: Empty Pitchers 12, Cerveceros 6
    Gone: Jason (Joey), Lisa (Dani), Wendy (Nat)

    It's been four weeks since the last edition of an EP recap. We'll pick up where we last left off:

    After a torturous start to Season 12, which included a six-game losing streak (the previous longest losing streak was three while our longest winning streak is eleven), the team has won five of their last eight stretching into Season 13.

    The biggest surprise (and now jinxed) has been Dani Masconi, a soccer player extraordinaire who had never played softball before. Called on to sub in a crunch, she went 3-3 in her first game and 2-3 in her followup. EP has won 3 straight with her calling pitches behind the plate.

    Joey made his pitching debut against the Cerveceros and held them to just six runs, the lowest total since S11. Subs Joey and Nat led the charge at the plate as EP continues to hit the ball like they did in the days of old. Ron led off the game with a homerun and when runners were in scoring position, our batters delivered.

    You might think now is the time to start celebrating with cookie dough ice cream and pizza, but did you know these goodies are made with human hair and duck feathers?

    Fungos: EP swept the new teams this season on Tempe's top field by a combined score of 39-26. Welcome to the big leagues... Fewer popups have been seen around Ptack's nest this season... Jamie's deeper bending of his knees flattened his swing resulting in more line drives - credit goes to Jason's daughter... Keith and Tom hauled in nearly a half-dozen Cerveceros flyballs and neither did so with a dive or slide... This victory now gives EP a chance to finish the regular season over .500 with one more win... With Ruthie off this season, Marlee and Lisa are on track to be this season's most-traveled players... Ron was denied an easy inning-ending double play in the fourth inning when a batter hit a slow grounder just to the left of 2B. Ron scooped the ball, stepped on the bag and made the throw with plenty of time but the ump called the baserunner on first out for leaving the base early, resulting in the batter getting another chance at the plate... Who said a pterodactyl is a crazy mascot? Check out these top 10 crazy college mascots...

    From the 4077:
    Wendy continues to heal and hopes return to action for our regular season finale or first playoff game.

    Andrew is awaiting his opportunity to return as a sub this season as his surgically repaired pec feels good.

    Ruthie's ear disturbance has finally been solved after several frustrating months. She is no longer walking into walls and doors and can sub if needed.

    Courtney's shoulder and elbow are slow to heal but would likely heal quicker if she gave up lion taming. She is out the remainder of the season.

    5-0   C Dogs
    4-1   Armadillos
    3-2   AZ Outlaws
    3-2   Empty Pitchers
    2-3   Cerveceros
    2-3   Warriors
    1-4   Balls Out
    0-5   The Nastees

    Sunday Results

    Balls Out 15, Nastees 8
    Armadillos 10, Warriors 7
    EP 12, Cerveceros 6
    C Dogs 16, AZ Outlaws 7

    Upcoming Games

    AZ Outlaws @ Balls Out
    Nastees @ Cerveceros
    C Dogs @ Warriors

    Tibetan Mountain Monk says:
    I have used the time away from this site to learn something new: crochet.

    Check out my latest work:

    Outlaws, Ceros, Dogs and Pitchers could all be found in my crochet's pattern.

    Last week: 3-1
    Total: 118-74

    Known Travel

    June 19 - Jason

    June 26 - Marlee, Connie?, Ron?

    Riddles of Raoul
    Guest riddler: Smigel

    It has no top or bottom but it can hold flesh, bones, and blood all at the same time. What is this object?
    Highlight space between quotes for answer: "   A ring     "

    On Deck: Armadillos
    8pm - Away
    History: 2-3
    S9       L 7-9
    S10    W 12-11
    S11    L 8-12
    S12    L 10-13
    S12P W 15-7

    AWOL: Jason (Joey)

    The Pitchers close this season against the division's top two teams. The Dillo's have developed into one of our top rivals on the northeast field. Only one game between the two has been decided by more than four runs and that was last season's 15-7 playoff victory.

    Did you know?

    Only one of the twenty-odd varieties of armadillos — the three-banded armadillo (Tolypeutes tricinctus) — is able to roll up. The other types are covered with too many bony plates to allow them to curl up. Other armadillos have to rely on their armored shells for defense while they scuttle away through thick, thorny brush, dig themselves a hole to hide in or run for safety in their dugout.

    Nine-banded armadillos always give birth to four identical young — the only mammal known to do so. All four young develop from the same egg — and they even share the same placenta. Look at their P, 2B, RC and RF players - identical.

    Armadillos are used in leprosy research because their body temperatures are low enough for them to contract the most virulent form of the disease. They also do not have a very strong immune system, making them an ideal model for many types of medical research. Jami will bring something from her medical lab to smear on the scoresheet during the first inning.

    Some female armadillos being used for research have given birth to young long after they were captured — up to two years afterwards, in some cases! These “virgin births” are a result of the female’s ability to delay implantation of the fertilized egg during times of stress. So be careful as you barrel into a female player on the basepaths or apply a hard tag to the abdomen.

    Scouted: One the mound, their pitcher loves to toss with backspin while at the plate their guys love to aim at RF. With the Pitchers now not tracking stats, the Armadillos are the lone team to track stats, which they do in their own spiral notebook.